Expectations make us improve ourselves.
Expectations make us push ourselves to the limit.
But what if those expectations are in conflict with your set of values or principles? But yet, meeting that expectation is important to you because that person is important to you.
I told a friend of mine,
"Expectations leads to pressure and pressure leads to unhappiness." Haha. He said I might as well not live. I'm not saying expectations are bad for us. But when that expectation leads us to do something totally against our will, it is deemed to be bad. Of course, if we ever walk that path, it is us who is silly for making such a decision. We should be able to differentiate which expectations are to be met, and which are to be ignored.
I admit, I do not take negative criticisms about me well. To me, I am good enough. When someone tells me that I have a lot to improve on areas I think I fare well, I get unhappy. I get angry. A weak point of mine - not willing to accept negative criticisms, which I should, and evaluate them. If I think I do need to improve, I will. But firstly you would have to convince me that I do need improvement and I need to think that you are worth listening to. Haha.
So, who has to right to impose expectations on you? I strongly believe, if you want to criticise someone, first evaluate yourself. If you want to laugh at someone for being fat and ugly, please look in the mirror first. Are you perfect? Nobody is. Just because that person does not meet your benchmark, it does not mean that person is a "failed product". These benchmarks are set by humans, and humans are not perfect. One man's food is another's poison. So unless you are stick-thin (which I seriously hope you are not, I dont want to be standing next to someone who looks like they just got out of a refuge camp), please do not mock a perfectly physically normal person for being fat. My apologies, I wasnt trying to insult anyone, but I simply used a very common example of negative criticism being passed on. Unless that person's weight is giving health complications, I dont think a person can be "too fat". I think its a shame that the majority of the public is aiming towards this waif-like figure made famous by models like Kate Moss. Everyone is becoming so "straight" that suddenly our bone structure is becoming pointless. Again, no offence intended.
Meeting expectations can be a tiring thing. As we continually push ourselves to achieve the best, as we continually try to meet someone's expectations on us, we've got to somehow receive positive feedback in order to keep the flame burning. Imagine working years and years towards this goal. But at the end of that journey, you are told that everything that you have done, everything that you have worked hard for, meant nothing to them. You simply didnt cut the mark. How would you feel? Devastated? Defeated? Angry? Disappointed? Unless you are someone with an endless amount of energy and confidence, such that no matter what others tell you, no matter how others view you, you believe that you will be able to succeed, which is only a very small percentage of people. If you are the majority, you will definitely feel put-off. You will probably feel very pointless and start to think, "am I that useless? Was I that lousy? what have I done all those years? Rubbish?" Constant feedback is definitely needed, be it negative or positive. Although positives ones tend to do more good because they indirectly become motivation to continue working harder towards the goal. Negative feedback will definitely exist, but its up to us to turn that negative feedback into something positive. No point telling that person
"your work sucks and I think you might as well give up because you are in a totally wrong direction." We're better off giving that person some new pointers, pointing him/her in the right direction. I know some of you will definitely think I am being very naive here because in real life, no one would be so free to always watch over what you are doing. And if you are doing the wrong thing, you are mostly likely to get a nice kick in the a** than a new pointer. But dont you think everything would be more efficient if only that method was applied? Everyone would be helping each other, trying to achieve their goals. Just my 2 cents. Okay, I digress on this point. I dont want to get flamed for talking about something I know nothing of.
When expectations are not met, disappointment comes along. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. That does not mean we shouldnt have expectations, because if we do not have expectations, we will be going nowhere. For the rest of our lives, we would start where we were, and finish where we started. There will be no progress, there will be no achievements, there will be no satisfaction. I'm not a person who expects a lot. Sometimes I do expect a lot from myself. I expect myself to perform the best and I get very disappointed with myself if I fail to meet my own expectations. I understand others are not obligated to do anything for you, nor meet any of your expectations. And therefore I try not to expect anything from anyone. Dont expect anything, and you will find that you have a handful. Expect too much, and you will never be satisfied with what you have. If you always find yourself disappointed with someone, you know you are expecting too much from him/her.
Before I end this post, I just want to say, this post was not written to offend anyone, nor to make anyone feel bad/guilty or whatever it is. It's just something I wanted to blog about long time ago and never had the chance. So I thought before I make another food post (if I have), I better post this...
