What do I do?

Been really troubled lately.

Not sure what to do. Not sure if I'm over-stressing myself. Not sure if I'm making the correct decisions.

Youngest sister coming over. The other sister still studying. For at least a year.

Daddy wants to buy a house. In my heart I think, "where comes the money??!!"

Interest rates going (has gone) up. Currency has been stronger than ever.

My salary is still the same. Who can I blame, it hasnt even been 6 months.

There will never be enough money for everyone and everything.

Not enough place to stay. Going back to old times of all siblings in a room.. *yaiks*

He's been really supportive, but at the same time often questions my priorities.

One side of responsibility makes me stay in Perth.

The other side of responsibility calls me back to Penang.

Close friends used to tell me I'm too young to worry about these sort of commitments. But at the same time, I feel great pressure to be able to show my commitment.

I feel like nobody truly understands what I expect myself to be able to do, and what I am expected of.

Starting to wonder if I'm really a "tail-less dog" who is contemplating abandoning her mother country because of "money" and "better lifestyle".

At the same time, if I abandon my family responsibility to fulfill the other responsibility, wouldnt I be a "tail-less dog" too?

How do people manage the obligations of family and love? I still cant find the answer.

Maybe it is my selfish desire to stay that is making life so difficult.

Because of my family I am sacrificing. Because of me, he has been sacrificing. But who is sacrificing for him???

Both sides pulling onto me. I'm trying to please both sides as much as I can.

One day, I have to choose one side to go to.. I hope I wont break hearts when the time comes.

And now, I just gotta keep working harder to make sure responsibilities are fulfilled and to keep that fine thread from breaking..

Thank you for being so supportive... I love you so much *muaks*

1st attempt in 2008

Happy 2008!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I know its so outdated already but at least it's still January. Hahaha.

My first attempt of the year in trying to revive my poor blog.....


Occasionally I start thinking to myself, what would my life be if I had chosen another career path..

For example, if I did not take engineering but instead did only commerce. Probably still graduating in finance.

I'm not sure if I'll suffer as a finance graduate because of the low pay and possibly high/low stress, or if I will actually put all my effort into my commerce degree and get into honours (etc) and then not sure what I'm going to be. Analyst in Macquarie Bank? Low level finance consultant for a financial company (mortgage, lending..)?

What would my life be like? Will it be less stressful? Happier? Better? Or will I be constantly complaining because I have so low pay? Will I be contented with life? Would it be easier to let everything go and marry the one you love? LoL.

What if I did secretarial like my friend? Carefree life? Seriously 9-5pm? Lighter work environment? Less expectations? All I gotta do is present myself beautifully so that some rich businessman might set his eyes on me.. Hahaha.

Or what if I did something more feminine instead? Like pharmacist. Or maybe teacher. Something that doesnt require me to push myself in front of a male dominated industry. Something that would not subject me to too much stress/worry if I met expectations or am promoting myself enough for my future career path. Something that is simply a temporary occupation that I can easily give up when I decide to..

I'm not sure about other working women out there. But occasionally I feel tired presenting myself as a professional, chasing goals, chasing deadlines, meeting expectations, being competitive, planning your career.. Over the long run, that is not something I want to do (or maybe I'm just having an energy/motivation breakdown.. hahaha). Sometimes I look at the job of an admin girl, and I think geez, so carefree - I could do that!!

It's easy to get stuck in your current position without making significant progress. Having said that, its also easy to get stuck in your current job and not get promoted. LoL. At the same time, it's also easy to be competitive but appear like a b*tch to everyone else..

Do I enjoy my work so far? Hmm. I have quite enjoyed it. Afterall, my job has brought me places I've never been and put me on flight seatings I would not buy for myself (multiple times!). It's been an enjoyable journey so far, but the lack of work in hand since the return from holidays is killing me.. I would definitely prefer to be busy than to be idle.

I NEED MORE WORK!!!