*squeak*

As you can see, I find it quite difficult to continuously blog in this poor abandoned fella. I just dont know what to blog about.

There are so many things I'm thinking about now. But none I feel comfortable sharing in this blog. Although by now, I believe less than a handful still visits this blog, I still dont feel comfortable.

I can be very expressive around family and friends, but really, I'm a very private person. On the other hand, some friends think I often give too much details when I'm telling them something. Hahaha. Just teasing ;)

When I'm in pain, I wont tell you I'm in pain. Until you noticed that my face turned white.

When I'm upset, I'll just be very quiet.

When I'm angry, I'll also be very quiet but you can see my nostrils fuming. LoL.

When I'm stressed, I'm stressing silently inside. And if you noticed, I dont eat properly.

When I'm troubled, I find it really hard to share. And I act like nothing's happened.

When I'm heartbroken, I wont be pouring my heart out to you or shedding tears, but I'll definitely be crying a river inside.

When I'm scared of something or someone, its worse. I tell no one. And whatever happens to me, I just keep it to myself.

I dont know how or when I became such a person.

He occasionally complains that I never tell him what's in my mind or heart. I just dont know how to tell him.

Girlfriends are meant to be the people you share your troubles and joy with. I have no problem sharing my joy, but I have some problems sharing my troubles.

I always have this great urge in me to pour my heart out and vent all my frustration. But when the time comes, I can only manage a squeak. Just like a mouse. A tiny little mouse. Can you tell that I'm 24 this year? Hahaha.

Few weeks back, I sent a pleading msg to my gf Grace saying I really need someone to hear me out. But by the time she came to pick me and we went to Dome, I just didnt know how and what to tell her. All that I could tell her, was finished in one sentence.. I kept changing topics during that 2 hr session. I probably seem more interested talking about other things than the issue I introduced in that one sentence. LoL.

I guess its also one of the reasons why I keep losing close friends. I can never seem able to get to that degree of closeness. PS and JX in Malaysia. The faithful and friend in need Phil. Grace in Perth. And a few lost friends like Cassandra, Krsyt, Fiona, Pimpa..

Everything is kept so tightly. I feel like a dusty old book that is closed so tightly you almost need a pry bar to open it up. And even if you do manage to pry it open, its only the first page..... LoL.

Anyway, I'm starting to lose the plot -___-" Better stop before I start going into grandmother stories. Hehe.

Take care people. Even if I dont tell you, please remember that I miss you ;)