Being the eldest

I am the eldest among my 3 siblings in my family. And those who stand at the same position as me, would know how difficult it is to be the eldest.

The eldest always have to help out with chores
The eldest always have to tolerate the younger ones
The eldest always have to give way to the younger ones
The eldest always get blamed for anything that goes wrong
The eldest is always expected to set a "good example"
The eldest is always expected to "understand" what parents say
The eldest is expected to know how to "think" for everyone
The eldest rarely gets what she/he wants
The eldest rarely gets the affection and attention she/he needs

It's really not easy being the eldest. And when you have 2 younger sisters, it doesnt get any easier. Since young, I demand a lot of attention, care and affection. I rarely felt it, often resulting in me throwing my temper at my parents. I still remember the horrific days/nights where I would be shouting at my parents, crying, demanding for things that I deserve. Shouting at them because my sisters always gets what they want when I dont. There were a few times that I almost ran away from home. I almost went to stay with my best friend, I even rang her and asked if I can come over and spend a few nights because I can't take it at home anymore.

I felt unloved, I felt pushed around, I felt like the whole world is going against me. "my parents dont love me, they only love my sisters" was the thought that kept circling my head during those teenage years. I am one of their daughters too, there are times, lots of times, when I just wish to be pampered and loved like the youngest too. I am only human, there is a limit to which I can handle "being the eldest" all the time.

I admit, I have very low tolerance level, I'm not the sort of person who would give in and give in without end. I am a highly eruptive and active volcano. The end results? Nothing is done, which is the greatest cause of my heartaches. No matter how many times I try to state the FACT about my sisters in front of my parents, they just get away with it. Ever since primary school, till now when I'm almost finishing my degree. Things have not changed, not a bit. There are times when I simply refuse to go home because I'm tired of facing the same old problem year after year. I get tired too, I get sick of the problem.

The saying that the youngest is always the most pampered is no doubt very true. I know my sister can be very adorable, but I feel that when she does something wrong, she has to be told of. There is no such thing as "she's still young" because every year, she grows. I dont understand how I can grow older and older every year and "forgive your sister who is still young" when my sister seem to somehow remained in her childhood years. When dealing with these sort of problems at home, there is no such word as "justice". It simply doesnt exist. The only phrase that exists is "you are the eldest, she is still young. Tolerate lah."

Well, you want to know what? I've been tired of tolerating since primary school and that tiredness doesnt simply wear off as I reach adulthood! It doesnt!